Jade delved into her psyche in pursuit of a memory embedded long ago. As is the case with those who have grown older, the memories closest to the surface were those of her childhood: there was five-year-old Jade in a rowboat with Grampa Chaffee and Papa and they were catching bluegill and sunfish. Jade remembers the smell of the fish and the fact that she caught the greatest number that evening. She enjoys the nearly imperceptible rocking of the boat and feels the worms wriggle in her fingers as she baits her own hook. The fish would be cleaned yet that night and refrigerated. The next day they'd be dipped in cornmeal and Grampa would fry them out in the back yard, using his camp stove and they'd be so crispy and delicious. Jade savored the flavors of her youth for a moment.
She did not plummet like a rock sinking to the bottom of the lake; her descent was gradual, and even on the way down, the thought occurred to her, "this must be the way a would-be fossil felt as it found its place in the La Brea tar pits:" gravity pulling one's weight against the resistance of the dark mass. But this was not the time for such fanciful thoughts: Jade was a woman on a mission, searching for the key to secure a friend's release.
Gabriel was more than a friend - he had come into her life at a crucial time and had eased her transition from middle age to what was termed, "near elderly." How many times had Gabriel told Jade that she didn't need him, that she had a strength that came from within? Ah, dear Gabe; couldn't he see that need was subjective, a matter of perception? Jade had always known that her life, i.e. the accumulation of days, weeks and years, would continue in the absence of her lover, but it would be an existence of diminished capacity.
Time enough later for these extraneous thoughts: she must find that key. Although she did not let her age define her, Jade realized that she had reached the point in life where memories did not come to her so much as she came to them. Jade and a chronologically distant memory drifted within reach of each other: she was a child of four and it was winter. Mom had built a snowman and painted a face in watercolors. It was beautiful, as were all of her mother's creations. But of course, Nona Chaffee was a gifted artist and everything that came from her was imbued with grace and beauty, including her children. Jade and her siblings were all creative; draftsmen, painters, builders and performing artists.
She glimpsed yet another remnant of the past: climbing the tree in the front yard of Grandma's house and picking apples. A little further away, this from the years of early adulthood, there was a quilt which everyone in the family had worked on; it was to be presented to Jade's grandparents on the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Soon Jade would be allowed to sink into her reverie and not re-surface, but right now, Gabe needed her words one last time; so she let those memories which were currently irrelevant drift away.
Many years before, when Jade was describing to Gabriel the effects, both positive and negative, of her sister's cancer treatment, he had interjected, "God, I hope you're there when I die!" and so, of course, she'd told him she would be. Now the time had come: too soon for her but years past what Gabe had presumed would be check-out time from the motel of life. Jade spun words much the way a spider spins a web but her words were not meant to ensnare prey; merely to create a delicate piece of work with transient beauty. Gabriel had been entranced by Jade's web and let himself be transported whither-so-ever her words carried him. Now she would spin a web of intricate detail, every word breaking her heart, because it would take her beloved Gabriel away from her.
Jade's search for that elusive key continued and, at last, there it was: as with the best of memories, it was multi-faceted, involving all her senses. Once again, Jade breathed in the scent of Gabriel's cologne and her pulse quickened. The air surrounding her was gently stirred by a ceiling fan. Jade's power of speech was involved in absentia: Gabe had asked her to 'just be quiet and let him have his moment,' so Jade had acquiesced and found herself immersed in a most exquisite state of euphoria as beautiful music lifted her out of herself. Gabriel had described it as music "to live to or die to ... to look into a woman's eyes ... " and Jade told this man she loved that perhaps he could die looking into a woman's eyes. Jade knew, even as the words came from her mouth, that she was foretelling their future. Jade returned his gaze and was nearly overwhelmed by what she saw: it was a look that went beyond sadness to world-weariness; there was such a willingness to just let it all go. So Jade stored that memory with a few others that had been labelled, "we will not speak of this again."
The time had now come to speak; Jade would use her command of words to evoke a memory for him and release her beloved Gabriel into the arms of another lover - Death; that winsome beauty whose embrace would transport him to the place he so longed to be. Jade couldn't quite believe how willing she was to let Gabe go, but she knew that she was willing because she loved him so very much and she'd had him far longer than she'd ever dared to dream. Now it was time to bid him adieu and send him toward his final destination, where he would be reunited with the men in his family. After years of separation, Gabriel would rejoin the stalwart individuals who had shaped his life, moulded his character, and made him the wonderful man he was, (though he never could see it).
Jade composed herself, gathering the strength that Gabriel had always known lay within her. She summoned all the words at her command and looked deeply into Gabriel's eyes, holding his gaze. Now Jade began to speak: her voice soft, slow and deliberate. It invited him to let his spirit drift free of his weary, ruined body; to travel with her to a memory long since forgotten. Jade felt that by letting Gabriel lose himself in her eyes, being the portal through which he passed from this world to the next, that perhaps a whisper of his soul would remain bonded to hers - a tracking device, if you will: so that she could find him in the mists of eternity and be joined to him again.
Jade would have accompanied Gabe on this journey but for her promise to deliver his eulogy. She had written most of it years before, shaping the words, turning her phrases as an artisan turns wood on a lathe. She would craft something beautiful to pay fitting tribute to Gabriel, who was the other half of her, the man she had been destined to love even before she knew him.
Finally, when she had fulfilled her promises, Jade could immerse herself in her memories. Once again she would meet Gabriel, and share eternity with him as she knew she was meant to do. On the temporal plane, where she left her body, her breathing would become slower and softer, until that last breath was taken, the beating of her heart would come to a standstill, the green eyes glaze over. Her existence on Earth cease; then her life would begin.
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