No death unsung
13 February, 2012
13 February, 2012
Death can be delayed, but cannot be indefinitely forestalled. If one is ill, one can seek treatment, make preparations, and seek to spare loved ones needless hassle and heartache, by attending to the mundane details.
In this age of instant information, extended family often learns a relative has died, via the Internet.
Then a nurse aide came in, and together we cleaned the body. The office was notified and, my job finished, I took my leave. That death I took not just personally, but intimately. Barely had the words "She's dead" escaped my lips, than I was assigned a new client. [That new client/caregiver relationship was to last fifteen months.]
My roommate noticed I was home early and, hearing why, asked if I was alright. I told her I was, then changed clothes and went to church, arriving in time to robe for choir. The rector bade me welcome, after several weeks' absence. I told her why I'd been able to make it to church, and she wanted to know if the lady was alone. Assuring the reverend of my presence at the deathbed, she clasped my hand and smiled.
As we sang the Gloria, I felt we were singing with my departed patient and all who behold the glory of God. 'Blessed are those who mourn, for one day they shall laugh.'
Approaching the end of my seventh decade, I occasionally wonder who will mourn my passing, when the time comes for me to depart this "vale of tears." Given personal and family history, I expect to ride Earth for several more laps around the sun which lights the solar system in which I dwell. The people who regularly receive letters from me, will be glad of that news.
Yet this planet sustains so many humans, pushing toward eight billion, that people die virtually unnoticed all the time. Some may only be discovered after the fact.
In this age of instant information, extended family often learns a relative has died, via the Internet.
***
On the evening (EST) of 11 February, 2012, the world received news that singer Whitney Houston had died. It was all over Facebook and other Internet sites. A lot of people took the loss personally. On the morning of 12 February, 2012, a 92-year-old woman died as I held her hand. I pressed the call light, the RN was summoned to pronounce, and I murmured, "Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon her."Then a nurse aide came in, and together we cleaned the body. The office was notified and, my job finished, I took my leave. That death I took not just personally, but intimately. Barely had the words "She's dead" escaped my lips, than I was assigned a new client. [That new client/caregiver relationship was to last fifteen months.]
My roommate noticed I was home early and, hearing why, asked if I was alright. I told her I was, then changed clothes and went to church, arriving in time to robe for choir. The rector bade me welcome, after several weeks' absence. I told her why I'd been able to make it to church, and she wanted to know if the lady was alone. Assuring the reverend of my presence at the deathbed, she clasped my hand and smiled.
As we sang the Gloria, I felt we were singing with my departed patient and all who behold the glory of God. 'Blessed are those who mourn, for one day they shall laugh.'
***
(2020)
Rereading this entry from a distance of eight years, I can tell you I now have a deeper understanding of Death and am more familiar with Its wiles and whims. Mom entered that final embrace, in December of 2013. During calendar year 2019, fully a dozen persons of my acquaintance, left this plane of existence, including Dad.Approaching the end of my seventh decade, I occasionally wonder who will mourn my passing, when the time comes for me to depart this "vale of tears." Given personal and family history, I expect to ride Earth for several more laps around the sun which lights the solar system in which I dwell. The people who regularly receive letters from me, will be glad of that news.
Yet this planet sustains so many humans, pushing toward eight billion, that people die virtually unnoticed all the time. Some may only be discovered after the fact.
The first week of July 2015, was rather harried and I struggled to process and make sense of it all. I had made several trips back and forth to Ann Arbor; in addition, someone I had known virtually my entire life, was hospitalized with serious injuries. That led me to edit and re-post an old column, titled "My brother's keeper," from July 2012.
It seems to me all of the world's woes can, at some point, be traced to greed and looking out for "Number One" instead of each other.
It seems to me all of the world's woes can, at some point, be traced to greed and looking out for "Number One" instead of each other.
"In the course of time Cain brought an offering to the Lord from the fruit of the soil, while Abel … brought one of the best firstlings of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel… Cain greatly resented this and … said to his brother, ‘Let us go out into the field.’
“When they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Then the Lord asked Cain, ‘Where is your brother Abel?’
“He answered, ‘I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper’?" (Genesis 4: 3, 4, 5b, 8, 9 New American Bible)
It is to be hoped no one would wantonly slay another, yet that very choice is made every day. Some will use the "I had no choice" excuse, but there is always a choice. Laws of what some refer to as "common decency" dictate we are indeed our brother’s keeper. There are now over seven billion people inhabiting the planet we call Earth: number of humans occupying planet surface has doubled in less than six decades. What or who determines an individual's right to live? How do we reconcile, keep our sanity, humanity?
***
There is much discussion/debate regarding issue of health care and the reform thereof. I have not yet seen verbal interaction devolve into a knock-down, drag-out, which is probably just as well, as it would likely not be covered.
With institution of social programs to aid the less fortunate, some people feel they can dictate who is deserving of help. People are reluctant to pull the plug or deny costly services to helpless newborns, afraid to be labeled "baby killers." The stigma applies less stringently to elderly persons still, at least as individuals, we are loathe to admit a desire to save money by denying care to someone who will never be able to repay.
There have been models of generosity through the ages: Buddha; St. Francis of Assisi; Jesus; Mother Teresa; Dorothy Day; who met need where they saw it - without a lengthy interrogation to determine if the victim were "deserving."
Some wonder why God allows suffering, while maintaining there is sufficient wealth to feed and care for all the world's inhabitants. Therein, I believe, lies the answer. Creator gave us souls and free will and probably has hopes that we will use our gifts wisely.
What, then, constitutes wisdom? Do we make our own comfort a top priority and give scant concern to welfare of others? If one is a member of the fortunate elite, does one then have an obligation to share one's good fortune? I am not defining "elite" as the top one or two percent who control obscene sums of wealth, consuming disproportionate amounts of planet's resources. I speak of anyone who has access to clean water, adequate food, and a place to sleep, sheltered from the elements.
As long as we callously turn our backs on those less fortunate than ourselves, we are truly a "lower life form." If we are truly evolved, a higher life form, everyone should be noticed.
A lot of the buzz I hear is people not wanting to be told who they can see, when, or how often. One friend wondered if death of Sen. Ted Kennedy would be used as a "guilt" card to get reform passed. [It took a long time afterward to get affordable care passed, so I would say not.]
Folks are scared to death of "socialism," though as an ideal, it is probably how early Christians strove to live. "All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to everyone as he had need." (Acts 2: 44-45 New International Version)
There are other Scriptures which, I believe, point us toward caring for one another's basic needs. Consider New Testament book, James 1:27 "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (New American Bible) Or James 2: 15-16 "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?"
Though health care reform is not a religious concern per se, a lot of Scripture and prayer would seem to lead us in direction of caring for the less fortunate.
Once, during Evening Prayer, we used Suffrages A (page 122 Book of Common Prayer), which read, in part:
V. Let your way be known upon earth;
R. Your saving health among all nations.
V. Let not the needy, O LORD, be forgotten;
R. Nor the hope of the poor be taken away.
There are a lot of people who just *hope to God* they do not get sick or who do not go to a doctor because, even if they found out what was wrong, they couldn't afford to do anything about it. I have said, only half jokingly, "Garlic is my antibiotic of choice and hugs are preventive medicine." [As of May 2014, am grateful beneficiary of Affordable Care Act, and am able to get needed medicine to control blood pressure.] But we need more.
Though some denounce "survival of the fittest" as a qualifier, that premise governed existence of species for millennia. Individuals who were not physically capable of supporting themselves and had no one to provide their needs, died. We now have means of keeping such creatures, human and nonhuman, alive - but at what cost? For many peoples, separating oneself from one's community when weak and dying is viewed as *taking one for the team.*With institution of social programs to aid the less fortunate, some people feel they can dictate who is deserving of help. People are reluctant to pull the plug or deny costly services to helpless newborns, afraid to be labeled "baby killers." The stigma applies less stringently to elderly persons still, at least as individuals, we are loathe to admit a desire to save money by denying care to someone who will never be able to repay.
There have been models of generosity through the ages: Buddha; St. Francis of Assisi; Jesus; Mother Teresa; Dorothy Day; who met need where they saw it - without a lengthy interrogation to determine if the victim were "deserving."
Some wonder why God allows suffering, while maintaining there is sufficient wealth to feed and care for all the world's inhabitants. Therein, I believe, lies the answer. Creator gave us souls and free will and probably has hopes that we will use our gifts wisely.
What, then, constitutes wisdom? Do we make our own comfort a top priority and give scant concern to welfare of others? If one is a member of the fortunate elite, does one then have an obligation to share one's good fortune? I am not defining "elite" as the top one or two percent who control obscene sums of wealth, consuming disproportionate amounts of planet's resources. I speak of anyone who has access to clean water, adequate food, and a place to sleep, sheltered from the elements.
As long as we callously turn our backs on those less fortunate than ourselves, we are truly a "lower life form." If we are truly evolved, a higher life form, everyone should be noticed.
"Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved Mankind; And therefore never send for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” (John Donne)
Tragedies, such as school shootings and weather disasters rightfully tug at heartstrings. Even celebrity deaths bring people together in grief. We need to consider that we are not alone on this planet or in this universe.
How hard it is sometimes to lay arrogance aside, especially when one feels it is one's only suit of clothing and does not wish to appear before the world naked and vulnerable.
In the wake of tragedy, and there is a new one almost daily, heroes emerge. Russell King Jr., a victim of the shooting in Chardon, Ohio was an organ donor. His family said, "...his heart still beats." (Note: This piece was originally composed in 2011. In the aftermath of the Aurora, CO carnage, 19 July, 2012, I hope there will be a donor among the victims who will save other lives.)
Even more than I hope my heart continues to beat for a long time, I pray each beat will be lived in love and grace. When it beats no more, I hope your life is better for having known me.
Tragedies, such as school shootings and weather disasters rightfully tug at heartstrings. Even celebrity deaths bring people together in grief. We need to consider that we are not alone on this planet or in this universe.
How hard it is sometimes to lay arrogance aside, especially when one feels it is one's only suit of clothing and does not wish to appear before the world naked and vulnerable.
In the wake of tragedy, and there is a new one almost daily, heroes emerge. Russell King Jr., a victim of the shooting in Chardon, Ohio was an organ donor. His family said, "...his heart still beats." (Note: This piece was originally composed in 2011. In the aftermath of the Aurora, CO carnage, 19 July, 2012, I hope there will be a donor among the victims who will save other lives.)
Even more than I hope my heart continues to beat for a long time, I pray each beat will be lived in love and grace. When it beats no more, I hope your life is better for having known me.
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